How Not To Do Group Exercise.

Last night I managed to attend not one exercise class but two.  More on that in a moment, first I feel that it is important to share what I learned.

Group exercise for beginners: What not to do

  1. Go to a class with ‘power’ in the name.
  2. Remember on the way there that (somehow) you haven’t eaten since breakfast.
  3. Get the shakes (see above)
  4. Stop for five minutes to drink sugary stuff so you don’t end up in an ungainly sprawl on the floor.
  5. Assume that ‘harder’ ‘lower’ ‘faster’ instructions are directed specifically at you.
  6. Number 1.
  7. Arrive 2 minutes late to yoga class all sweaty  a little breathless immediately after an intense whole-body-torture-with-weights  aerobics session.
  8. Ensure that fluff from your socks is stuck all over your feet when you remove your trainers.
  9. Try to disown your feet by ignoring them/pretending you don’t really know them you just met them outside a minute ago.
  10. Number 1. Did I already mention that?

Thanks to my new found wisdom I shall be avoiding the first class for the time being on the basis that I would like to survive the winter.  However I really enjoyed yoga (I know, all those yoga people were right. Shhh) so I’ll be going back to that in an on-time-and-fresh-as-a-daisy sort of fashion.  I was pretty glad to get home to a big stodgy meal though.  Cooking it seemed to take forever … I considered just scoffing everything raw so I had to eat a chocolate muffin in the interim, purely in the interests of health & safety.

And now I must dig out some Tiger Balm.  It’s all about the burn.

*On an unrelated topic, but in-keeping with the spirit of how not to do things  I feel I should share another helpful lesson I have just  learned, namely how not to save a spider.  To successfully not-save a little spider you should spend ages coaxing it out of the sink with a bottle top, pop it next to a tap so it can recover then return a few minutes later to wash your hands and watch in disbelief as the soap slips out of your grasp and squashes the aforementioned little spider flat.

This is what you get when you tinker with nature –  a monstrous soap/spider hybrid.


*A spider was harmed during the making of this blog.  Sorry about that.


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